This is a reboot from 2010- I took it off the blog because maybe it’s too weird to talk about spirit guides but now I say feck it. You can handle my truth.
It was somewhere in the air, between Louisville and Chicago, when it happened. I was feeling into a deep weariness in my body. The kind that can only come from operating in a way earlier time zone. The Midwestern clocks said 6 am and my California body called them out as liars, “We know it’s 3 am.” Despite this truth, I recognized that something was conscious and awake within me. There’s an illumination in me that feels like refracted light. This came to me once before early on my path to knowing, before the middle years. There in the beginning of my spiritual explorations, I tried on many different modalities: rebirthing, breathwork, prior life readings, astrology, energetic work. I often got gifted a different experience than the one I was paying for. When I went for rebirthing, I was gifted with three spirit guides. One was an ancestor. A Mexican chica with a penchant for flitting like a fairy while she spoke. Two were beings that looked like refracted light. The light has names: Sanj and while the second name can only really be described as the wind on the ocean, the name settled into Rall. They feel essential in nature, the former joyous and compassionate, the latter strong and knowing. I was not so overcome this time as I was the first time. Nineteen years I’ve spent altogether on training, in these middle aged years on my life path. This time, I had laid enough groundwork that their presence didn’t overwhelm me. I didn’t weep for their beauty and I could feel my awe for their perfection and remain able to order a drink from the cabin attendant. I had barely set my feet on the path towards knowing what Truth is, nineteen years ago. Nineteen years ago, I was moving away from my marriage and towards what, I couldn’t say with any certainty. I heard the deep call of truth, like the whales’ ancient songs resonating for miles through the ocean. On this very early flight, I knew what was beckoning me and why.
My life has been drawing me towards love in every way. I experience many versions of my personality’s take on love. Parents, lovers, partners and friends all constellated around me and me to them as satellite to the gravitational pull of a truth (with a small t) between us. The energy of Truth’s love has been much more subtle. I have received it and communicated it at depth, like the whale, below the surface of the ego’s fearful struggle to survive to survive the ownership and manipulation of most love relationships. I have related to love through my thoughts. Walking this path has shown me the difference between love through the head center and True Love from the heart.
That’s what made me cry when I was first exposed to Sanj and Rall. An overwhelming luminescent quality of love was radiating from them. In the air, between my new future home and California, the starting point for my In the air, between my new future home and California, the starting point for my the air, between my new future home and California, the starting point for my life’s journey towards Truth, I know the brilliance of knowing Truth. I accept that the cracking open of my heart over the last nineteen years on this path has led me know all people, places and things are only love made manifest. I let go of many things that looked like love: all those integrated parental truths, and the emotions in the rest of my relationships stemming from ego, turned out to be interior manipulations to feel safety and personal control. As my mind quieted down, I’ve felt the steady arising of true nature, true feelings that feel not like the waves on the beach, but instead the very depth and breadth of the ocean of depth and breadth of the ocean of existence, itself. Powerful, eternal, cosmic.
I know Love. I know it as me. I know that it attracts Truth. I know it magnetizes True Love in every aspect of my life. I can’t wait to see how it continues to turn out.
Update Stardate May 5, 2024: it didn’t turn out…I crashed and burned this alternate reality, preferring to return to a problematic life and figure it out. I asked myself WHO am I really, and who are we? I figured it out that we are Whole, Holy, Oneness. Oh, and I found True Love in my very small town.
WHO You Are: Whole, Holy, Oneness 